Restoring Relationships

Restoring a broken relationship is one of the most difficult things we go through.  As humans, we struggle daily with selfishness and putting others first.  This inner battle seems to rage at insane levels when we feel hurt, misused, or underappreciated.  In the heat of the moment we blast others with painful looks, paralyzing comments, and hurtful actions.  As Christians, we are called to put such things behind us, and strive to place God first, and others second in this life that we live.  We tend to throw these values out of the window when a relationship is threatened and we feel the need to bow up and stand our ground.  Some have mastered the technique of proper ways to handle confrontation, and handle issues with grace and humility.  For others, like me, we say things we shouldn’t, or give looks we shouldn’t give, and a relationship suffers because of it. How do we mend the hurt we have caused while we work at bettering our attitudes during confrontations?  Listed below, are some wonderful tips I came across several years ago that are excellent ways to mend relationships that have felt the wrath of our selfish ways.

Talk to God before you approach

James 4:1-4 talks about the pride of a person and the strife they cause because of their own desires.  At the end of verse 4, it is written “you do not have, because you do not ask.”  If we want self control to resolve the conflict, we must ask of it through prayer.  We must ask for forgiveness for hurting our fellow Christian, and ask for the wisdom and patience to resolve the conflict.  Prayer is a calming conversation with our Creator.  Take pleasure in knowing that he knows you best and that after lying your burdens down at His feet, He will guide you on to the next step of resolution.

Take the initiative

After tempers have settled through prayers for control, we must take it upon ourselves to mend the conflict.  Job 5:2 states “Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.”  Take the initiative and set aside any resentment or envy as to clear your heart from these emotions that block our view to peace.

Sympathize with their feelings

“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4  This truth will be able to keep us out of most conflicts if we practice it.  If in a conflict, listen to the others feelings of hurt and relate to what they are going through.  We can’t understand the pain we have caused if we do not listen to the one who has been offended.  Listen with an open heart and an open mind, so you both can move on to healing.

Confess your part of the conflict

1 John 1:8 states, “ If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.”  This is the hardest part, admitting our wrongs.   I had rather jump off into an icy cold pond than admit I am wrong at times.  Being in the wrong hurts, it hurts our pride, and it hurts our very being.  It makes us feel inadequate and not in control.  Confession frees us of any guilt associated with the wrong and heals the heart of the brother or sister that has been offended.  It also heals and humbles our hearts as the offender.

Attack the problem, not the person

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1  We all too often put a face to the problem, and that face is often the person who has offended us.  We have heard the expression, “hate the sin, not the sinner” and this little saying should be at the forefront of our minds when we are hurt.  If we attack the person and not the problem, we are fighting against any type of constructive resolution.

Cooperate as much as possible

Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Some problems we find ourselves in are just devastating and difficult, no matter how we look at it.  Using the tips mentioned above is a great way to keep yourself from being angry without sin, but the same may not be true for the other party involved.  They may not hold to these standards of living and that can make reconciliation tough.   We must posses the wisdom and love to keep our heads on straight, even if the other person is flying off the handle.  Do what you can in love, and brace yourself for any unforeseen issues that may develop while trying to resolve issues.

These tips are wonderful ways to keep our cool when we find ourselves in difficult situations.  Resolving conflicts is all about the relationship you are trying to restore.  We must emphasize the fact that we are looking for reconciliation with the person first, and a resolution to the problem second.   Reflect on God’s instructions as to how we are to treat others and when in a difficult situation, go to his word, and adhere to the tips stated above from scripture to live at peace with others, and with ourselves.

Sharing Love, Affirming Faith

One of the things I love most about being around my brothers and sisters in Christ is the example they set for me.  Without being aware, they tend to amaze me with their love for Christ and for others.  I got to see this faith in action in a seemingly small act that still has me smiling.  Last weekend, I went over to a friend’s house so we could deliver some things to Tushka.  Before heading out, I called a friend there to see if we could gather anything else up before we headed out.  She had said that her mother had lost her house in the tornado, and had nothing but the clothes on her back.  I told her we could go find her a few changes of clothes and some toiletries, and bring them with us.  After hanging up the phone, I told my friends about the woman and told them her sizes.  It just so happened that the wonderful woman I was with was that exact same size!  She and her husband immediately went into action, and began to pack a bag full of things for the stranger they never met.  My friend came out of her bedroom with a brand new navy blue wind suit set complete with a jacket, pants, and a navy and white striped shirt.  She said she had just bought it, and it would be a good outfit for the lady in need.  Without hesitation, she threw it in the bag, along with a few other outfits, and we headed out the door.  Most of us would grab something that we had worn time and time again, and toss it in the bag and forget it.  This woman gave something that she bought just for herself to wear, and without even getting a chance to sport the cute outfit, she gave it to someone in need.  Because of her deep love for her Father, she gave what most would not be willing to give up, she died to self, and lived for that moment to serve.

In Mathew chapter twenty-two starting with verse 37, Jesus states, “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.  This is the first and great commandment.  And the second is like it:  ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’”  I have been so blessed to see this commandment in action, and hope that I have shown others this in action as well.  Without knowing it, my friend re-affirmed my faith in Christ, and this happens each and every time I see others serve Him.  I believe this is why these two commandments are so important, they show love and respect to our Creator, love and respect to our neighbors, and it fills our hearts with a new and fresh perspective on what it means to love God and our neighbors, and encourages us to do more.  It shines a light to those who are lost in darkness, and this simple act begs them to come to the light and share in its warmth.

I thank God for the examples of love and service that He has placed around me, and I am thankful for the lessons in kindness that these acts bring.  We should all strive to give, serve, and love whenever we have the chance.  Opportunities like this are all around us.  Proverbs 3:27 states, “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in the power of your hand to do so.”  Verse 28 goes on to say, “Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come back later, and tomorrow I will give it.’ When you have it with you.”  Give when it is needed, and do not withhold what you have.  God has freely given us His son, eternal life with Him, and earthly blessings to accommodate us while we wait on the Lord.  Let us all strive to sacrifice in this same manner, today and everyday.

Procrastinating Salvation

I hate to admit this, but most of you who know me can attest to the fact that I am a bit of a procrastinator.  I can almost say that most of us are in some aspects.  I pick and choose things to procrastinate on.  If I am working on a client’s photo-shoot,  I  get the pics whipped out in a few days, eager for them to behold my creation.  On the other hand, on days like today, all dark and dreary, I wait until the very moment I know that my kids may be late for school to get up from my cozy bed all snuggled next to my warm husband.

Contained in the book of Acts, we are introduced to a man named Felix in the 24^th chapter beginning in verse 3.  In this account, a man named Tertullus is found accusing Paul of creating dissension among the Jews because he was speaking of Christ and his resurrection (5).  He and others brought Paul before the governor, Felix, to be examined, and they hoped for him to be imprisoned, or worse.  After Tertullus made his case, Paul made his, and Felix decided take a few days to make a decision regarding Paul, and in the meantime, allowed Paul to go back among his friends until Felix sent for him.

After a few days, Felix, with his Jewish wife, Drusilla, sent for Paul, and Paul began to speak of his faith in Christ, and in the resurrection.  Paul was sharing with this couple the gospel message that we are all to proclaim to all people as instructed in Matthew 28:19-20.  Felix was a man who had accurate knowledge of the Way (22) and as Paul told the exciting news, Felix reasoned about the Christian characteristics we as Christians are to have which were righteousness, self-control, and he even pondered upon the judgment to come for all when Christ returns.  Amidst all of the emotion, and the Truth being revealed to this man who was needing the Gospel message, we see in verse 25 that he tells Paul to “Go away for now; when I have a convenient time I will call for you.”

This is where our story with Felix ends, he left Paul bound for 2 years, until someone else succeeded him.  He was given the most important, life-changing story of his life; he was given the Truth and the Way, and was instructed on how to obtain this hope of heaven for eternity, and he procrastinated.  He left his salvation in limbo, and as we are able to look into his brief account, we are left wondering if he ever made the decision to become a part of Christ and his Church by putting him on in baptism (1 Peter 3:21).

This story applies to our lives in two ways; one, are we procrastinating our salvation because we are too stubborn as Felix to accept this new teaching and live a righteous life?  And two, are we procrastinating teaching others to take hold of their salvation and encourage them to live a righteous life?  Both of these statements are stumbling blocks to all who encounter them, but we can overcome them.  For those who have never accepted the message, the book of Acts is full of examples of people who did, and then took  steps to obtain their prize and live a life faithful to the Lord (Acts 2:37-38, 8:36-38, 9:18, 16 : 14-15, 30-33).  Change is hard, admitting we were wrong is even harder, especially when we think what we have been doing was right. Without  humility for our Savior, and for the way we are to become a part of him, we are in danger of never obtaining salvation.  For those of us who have humbled ourselves to His way and the Truth, are we procrastinating sharing this hope with others?  Do we tend to shy away from the message because of our own insecurities, or our lack of faith in the power of the Gospel message?   The Truth saves lives and softens hearts (Acts 2:37) all we have to do is share it and live it as a testimony to others (Romans 12:1-2).

Procrastination is always going to be a battle for us, and we must try each time we are tempted with it to overcome the urge and be fruitful.  Our salvation and the salvation of others should never be spun within the web of procrastinating, for if we do this, salvation may never get a chance to make it into our hearts, or into the hearts of those in whom we love.

A Second Look

I love no bake cookies.  I make them so much that I have the recipe down by heart and can mix up a batch as soon as the craving for one hits me.  They are a peanut buttery, chocolaty delight to my taste buds and the flavor of them sends me into a state of sheer joy.   One day, the urge for one hit me, so I went into the kitchen, gathered all the ingredients, and made my little delicacies.  Much to my surprise, they did not set right, and the batch was ruined.  I forgot to add an ingredient.  I got out my recipe card for the cookies that had been tucked away for years, and took a look.  I added 2 cups of oats instead of 3.  I couldn’t believe it, after making my special treats for so long how could I have forgotten the amount of oats to put into the batch?  I scavenged what I could and fixed my problem and enjoyed my batch of no bake cookies, I had to eat them with a spoon, but they were still just as delicious.

As a daily Bible reader, I tend to overlook some of my favorite passages because I already have them memorized by heart. The other day, I found myself skimming through Deuteronomy 11 verses 18-21.  This familiar passage deals with how the word of God should always be in our hearts and in our minds as we teach them to our children.  It tells us how important His words are for each and every one of us.  I have heard that passage read and studied and preached so many times in so many different ways that I could quote it, so I skimmed over it.  As I did this, I remembered my cookie recipe and how I missed an important ingredient because I relied on my memory instead of the directions.  I went back and re-read the passage and was renewed again with its words.

The word of God is such a powerful source of strength and hope to everyone who reads of it.  We must allow ourselves to dig deep into the word and study its every passage, even though sometimes, most of them we know by heart.  A second look can make the passage come to life in a new way and bring us new insight into our walk with the Lord.  The next time you find yourself on familiar ground in your daily Bible reading plan, slow down, and read the words as if you have never read them before. Go deeper into the passage and break it down into smaller parts and study it critically.  Grab a good commentary or Bible dictionary, and really dig into the meaning of the passage.  In doing this, you will gain a renewed knowledge of the word and its powers will be made known to you again and again.

I’m Going on a Treasure Hunt

I have been reading a piece of literature full of war, turmoil, love, fear, murder, suspense, hope, romance, jealousy, bitterness, victory, good, evil, and redemption.  Every night I find myself racing through each line of the story just waiting to turn the page to see what happens next.  It has been a thrill for me to see the characters come to life on the pages, and in my dreams, I find myself lost in a far away place right in the middle of a character’s story right beside him as he runs for his life from the king who wishes to destroy him.  The thing that intrigues me most is the fact that this story was written thousands of years ago to bring people like me to a realization of who we are, where we came from, and what had to happen for us to be set free.  Each night as I read my Bible I get lost in the amazing tales of the beloved characters that I value so much.

In Psalm 119 verse 162 the writer states, “I rejoice at your word like one who finds great spoil.”  The word is a treasure like any other; it reveals to us the great mystery of the gospel in 1 Timothy 3:16,  and it tells us how we are to be saved by our Lord Jesus Christ in Acts 2:38.  The Bible tells us how we ought to pray in Matthew 6:9, and  love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  We see ordinary men and women leading extraordinary lives because of the hope that they have in their God, in each other, and in the promise of a Savior.  This amazing book resides in our homes, on our shelves, under newspapers, on kitchen counters, and beside our beds on nightstands, but is it residing in our hearts?  Are the words of this priceless book forever etched in our hearts and in our minds as we go about our day?  Are we “storing the word in our heart” as stated in Psalm 119 verse 11?

We must allow ourselves to take hold of the treasure that our Father has laid before us and dwell in it, live it, and spread it to others.  The Bible’s simple story rings true in each of its pages and anyone, young and old, can relate to the truths and be guided in them.  When is the last time you took a good, deep look into this amazing treasure that has been freely given to you?  I encourage you to take the time to reflect and meditate on this living, breathing text and re-discover this amazing love story between our God and His creation.

This Worry Isn’t Helping!

I cannot  begin tell you how many times I have read the “Do Not Worry” passage in Matthew.  I have read it so many times, I quote it to myself on a regular basis.  I tell it to my friends who are worrying about things in their life, and I keep the passage in my heart as I pray to my Father for guidance and peace in a situation that causes me to worry.  I should have these emotions under control right?  I would be kidding myself if I thought I did.  Sometimes I do great, I pass a worry onto God and I never look back, and He gets me through it.  Days like today however, I must have had that worry on my heart every second of my day.  It affected my appetite, my driving, my interaction with the kids, and with my husband.  It caused me to clean out long forgotten “junk” drawers to keep my mind off of the issue (well, at least that part was productive).  I have been a mess today.  It seems the bigger the worry, the more I chew on it.  Sure, I gave it to God to do His will for me, but I also reminded Him a lot today of how much this prayer means to me just in case He missed the point, which, I am sure He did not.

Reflecting on Matthew 6:25-34 and  re-reading the passage has brought a warm, gentle, calming breeze into my soul as soothing as my favorite cup of Snickers coffee, well, even better than that!  This scripture has renewed my heart again, it tells me to not set my worry on tomorrow, God knows our basic needs, and if we seek Him first, He will give us those basic needs, not what we think we need. Tomorrow, we make an offer on a home that I fell in love with, tonight, I will try my best to give this situation to God yet again, so that I can be at peace while I sleep tonight.  If you are laying your head down full of worries tonight, please reflect, and read the following passage as a reminder that the Lord will provide for His children if it is in His will.  It is so hard for us to even fathom that someone else knows what we need better than we do ourselves, but our Lord and Master has the ability and the incredible knowledge to provide for His children, and we must trust Him in that.

Matthew 6:26-34 (NKJV)

“Therefore, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body what you will put on.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?  So why do you worry about clothing?  Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil or spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore, do not worry, saying, “What shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “What shall we wear?”  For all of these things the Gentiles [worldly] seek.  For your Heavenly Father knows that you need all of these things.  But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all of these things shall be added to you.  Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things…”

May the “…peace of god which surpasses all understanding, guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Pass It Down

Rylee has been coming home from school singing those long lost songs from my childhood.  She has sung classics like “Jingle bells, Batman smells” ,”Mrs Mary Mack”, and “Cinderella Dressed in Yella”.  I just laugh and tell her that I used to sing those songs when I was a little girl, and to her, she feels like that was forever ago.  I asked her where she got the songs from and she exclaimed from kids at school, or from the teachers.   Nursery rhymes, song parodies, and jump rope chants have seemed to stand the test of time, but even more important than these childhood things, is the word of God.  The word of God has stood the test of time, and will continue to do so.  Even in Christianity’s darkest hour, even through the burning of Bibles,  persecution of Christians, through natural disasters, and acts of vandals, His word still remains.  It is our job as Christians, and as parents, to keep that living, breathing, amazing text implanted in the hearts and in the minds of our children.

In the second book of Judges, chapter 10, there is a disastrous scene.  It proclaims  “And all that generation also were gathered to their fathers.  And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that had been done for Israel.”  This generation was not taught the word.  They did not know of how they were delivered from the Egyptians, about the plagues, the parting of the Red Sea, about how they wandered in the dessert for 40 years because of their forefathers sins.  They did not know about all of the signs and wonders of the Lord, and how bravely their forefathers fought for the Lord to gain their inheritance into the very land that they were living in.  Why did this happen?  They simply were not told of these things.  The generation before them did not instruct, correct, and rebuke them in the ways of the Lord.  The generation before them forgot how important it was to keep the things the Lord had done for them in their hearts and spilling out of their mouths constantly, as we see in Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

The word of the Lord will always prevail, but we need mouths to speak of its truth.  We need parents and grandparents living holy lives as examples to their children and grandchildren.  If we do not do these things, the generation after us will not know God and His testimony, they will not hear of His grace, mercy, and love.  They will be lost, just as the people of Israel, because they were not instructed.  Please, keep the word of God in your hearts and minds so it may spill over into the hearts and minds of your children, grandchildren, the lost, and onto the saints.  We must keep His word alive in us and in the lives of others.  “May the word of God dwell in your richly.”